If you’re one of those people that watch 24 hours of A Christmas Story, kill yourself. Oh, you think The Grinch is the GOAT? Fuck off. I can’t respect a man (creature?) that so easily gives up on his convictions. You wanna quote Elf to me, bro? I bet you have a ton of sex. Rudolph? He’s a loser, and I don’t have time for your reindeer games. Not only is Jingle All The Way the most underrated Christmas movie of all time, it’s also the best. Starring cinematic legends Arnold Schwarzenegger & Sinbad, it embodies everything that Christmas is about: copping the hottest gift out there. This movie is outrageous in the absolute best way possible. First of all, Arnold is a workaholic mattress salesman??? WHAT?! He’s on a mission to get his neglected son, Jamie, a Turboman action figure on Christmas Eve. Soooo many hijinks comes of this. You’ve gotta fucking love hijinks. We’ve got Sinbad the mailman chasing Arnold all around town vying for the same prize, an appearance by the Big Show dressed like an elf as a black market toy dealer of sorts, and a creepy neighbor trying to cuck our boy Arnie while he’s out being a good father. This movie could never be made today. Creepy neighbor Ted would have been #metoo’d with the quickness. Arnold wouldn’t be driving to toy stores, he’d be on StockX buying Jamie a pair of Off White Nike’s for 1069% over retail. And let’s talk about the scene where Sinbad is surrounded by a bunch of cops and manages to escape. A black man surrounded by police…guns drawn…and he gets away. Actually, let’s not talk about that. In my opinion, this movie is an undisputed classic. And, quite frankly, my opinion is the only one that matters.